Bunny Ears TV

Didn’t get enough of The Bachelor this spring? Well, Age of Love is here to fill the void! Mark Philippoussis, an Aussie tennis star has to choose from a group of 20 year-olds and 40 year-olds. Hmm, what would a 30 year-old bachelor choose?

First we get to meet all the women. All the 40 year-old women, I should say. Except wait, one is only 39! The oldest by far is 48 and even boasts about her 25 year-old son. Maybe Mark can be his big brother AND his dad! The women are shown a teaser video and maybe it’s the hot flashes, but they all get turned on and jokingly tease one another about it. Their biological clocks were audibly ticking. One thing I must admit is that these 40+ year-olds are the best looking women I’ve seen.

But poor Mark isn’t aware that he is meeting these women. When asked a leading question by the producers, he states he expects to meet women in their 20s. In case you missed it, NBC replayed it three times, just for dramatic effect.

Probably the most exploitive moments come when Mark is first introduced to these MILFs.  The women of course had to reveal their ages to Mark so we could watch his jaw drop and see him become more and more uncomfortable. During the social hour, Mark assessed the level of baggage each woman brought to the show, questioning their previous marital status and number of children that had spawned.

The following day Mark took Maria, Lynn and Jayanna for a great get-to-know-you date: rappelling down a building. I say that with sarcasm because honestly how long does it take to rappel down a building? Really what he was testing was the women’s openness to going outside their comfort zone. All the women get into it and are returned to their hotel suite in one piece.

All too soon it’s time for elimination. (I miss the 90 minutes of ABC’s The Bachelor!) In an “interesting” twist, only four of the seven women are called to the elimination: Maria, Lynn, Jayanna and Jodie. There are no roses to give out (what about tennis balls?), but Mark retains Maria, Lynn and Jayanna and says goodbye to Jodie. After that emotionally trying time, ever-present (and ever-short) host Mark Consuelos reveals the latest twist to Mark P.: the 20 year-olds, the forbidden fruit one might say.

Will Mark choose coquettes or the cougars?  We’ll find out this season on Age of Love!

“Say goodbye to another two hours of your life, because America’s Got Talent is all new and all terrible!” I seriously believe that is how the promos for this show should go. At least then NBC could say they were being honest about the show’s content.

AGT continued it’s trend of showcasing bad talent–and then sending them on to the next round so we’ll have to suffer again. I’m speaking of course about acts like Johnny Lonestar, the lassoing cowboy. Maybe there is a reason no one lassos anymore sir. And the plate spinner? What is this vaudeville? Let’s not forget Lil C, the wannabe (and now gonnabe) rapper/dancer. I think Piers was still feeling guilty from his outburst at the children who tried out last week and that’s why he sent Lil C through. And finally there was Pearl, a cranky grandmother type played by a young man in drag. The comedy act s/he performed was mildly amusing but rather reductive.

Speaking of drag, the queens were out in full force at the LA auditions. I suppose we should expect nothing less from California though. Jerry was getting a little sentimental after seeing one drag queen after another get rejected. “These are my people,” he remarked, almost tearfully. Not to worry Jerry, the audience has got your back. Several times, the people broke out into the famous “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” chant. And Jerry himself even got into the act. After a male belly dancer performed, Jerry appeared on stage sans shirt, posing and flexing for an adoring and approving crowd who moments earlier were repulsed and revilded by the handsome male dancer. Even Piers and Hasselhoff seemed to enjoy Jerry’s antics. Those two made sure to X the dancer during his performance to protect their straight male credibility.

As you can see the show has quickly become a sideshow act. The one saving grace of the night came in the form of the rock-a-billy band Johnny Come Lately. While not my favorite genre of music, these precocious 15 year-olds gave an uptempo, energetic performance of Elvis Presley’s “You Ain’t Nothing but a Hound Dog.” After the finished, I have expected the judges to deny them advancement. But I think they too were relieved that someone decent had chosen to grace their stage. Hey, they could’ve easily tried out for Simon Cowell’s other-other show “The Search for the Next Great American Band.”

Thank god they brought their talents to this show that has so far been seriously devoid of talent.

I am honestly surprised I am still watching this show. But for some reason I was drawn back to the inanity of searching for celebrity look-alikes and sound-alikes. Something seemed to happen to me though, after I watched one bad impression after another. I began to question the purpose of this show. And we all know rule number one of reality tv viewing is never try to find a deeper meaning.

My question about the show after watching two episodes is “What is the point?” Certainly there are some decent celebrity impersonators, and yes the really bad ones are funny. Even the judges are funny to an extent. But once these tryouts are over, I feel like the show is going to crash and burn. Honestly, how long are we going to be able to watch an impersonator during the vote offs? Week after week, the same people will be up there on stage, vying for our votes. At what point will that become tiresome? And what happens when someone wins? They get a $100,000 prize (small by reality standards) and then what? I just can’t figure out why this show exists.

All this to say this show has been downgraded and makes me wish I had watched “So You Think You Can Dance” instead.

Well, Simon Cowell’s America Lacks Talent, er, America’s Got Talent is back for another season. Hey it was the number one show of summer 06, so why not? This season kicked off with an overly long two-hour premiere.

Things have changed a bit this year with Jerry Springer replacing Regis Philbin as host and Sharon Osborne taking Brandy’s empty judging chair. Jerry Springer seems like the logical choice to host this show, since he is used to dealing with oddballs on his daytime talk show. And the oddballs were not in short supply, from the Human Slinky to the Letterman Brothers (you’ll remember them as the men jiggling their pecs in time to Dueling Banjos) to the family of violin players. And the precocious little girls were out in force, no doubt prodded on by stage mothers and last year’s win of Bianca Ryan. Piers played the role of mean English judge by being honest–brutally so. When a nine year-old girl attempted a cheerleading routine, Piers laid in to her and her mother. Sharon was so upset she actually left the judging table, saying “I’m taking off my makeup and going home!” Only after much pleading (and surely her contract) could she brought back on stage.

The addition of Sharon Osborne as judge is a little more dubious since I’m not sure what her talent is. Then again, they let Hasselhoff back. I kid, I kid! Honestly though, the talent certainly seems to be lacking, as no one made that great of an impression. The dancing group the Jabbawokkes looked liked they’d just been kicked off of So You Think You Can Dance (another Cowell show) and the Elvis impersonator appeared to be on the wrong stage (”Sir, Next Best Thing is the door over”). The talent the judges did send on to the next round almost seemed to be an obligatory way to fill the slots for the vote-off shows. Could it be that America really does lack talent?

Things could turn around next week in Los Angeles, which will certainly draw out the freaks and rejects from other reality shows.

At the opening of the episode, the remaining nine women are told that boot camp is over. Now they will be winging off in private jet with Andy to exotic . . . Lake Tahoe! All the women are excited, except for Bevin. She won’t be able to join in the ski slope fun due to her injury from last week.

Once at Lake Tahoe, the women get settled in their gigantic hotel suite. There will be two group dates with four women each and one individual date. The first group will be Nicole, Stephanie (KS), Danielle, and Bevin. They’ll be joining Andy for dinner and gambling. Bevin breaks down in the bathroom over her injury. But the rest of the women band together to get her ready, even though they think she is milking the ankle sprain.

The women finally make it down to the date, but Bevin starts crying again once there. Andy takes her aside to comfort her. She really brings out his altruistic side. They even do a little kissing. Stephanie (KS), Danielle, and especially Nicole are feeling neglected. Nicole thinks Bevin is using the injury to her advantage.

The pair finally rejoin the group. Danielle is emboldened and steals Andy away for herself. She even takes the opportunity to kiss Andy.

After dinner, the quintet head down to the casino for some gambling at craps. Bevin has some good luck at the game and with Andy: she gets the Special Quality Time. Andy carries her over the threshold of his hotel room. Once inside, Andy tries a new tactic: he reveals he is a nerd and dreams of being an astronaut. This garners him some serious making out with Bevin, who of course is turned on at the idea of dating (and potentially marrying) an astronaut.

The next day, Kate, Stephanie (SC), Tina, and Tessa learn they will be joining Andy on the slopes for skiing lesson. Amber realizes that she will be the one to go on the individual date with Andy.

Once on the snow, Stephanie (SC) shows her dark side, as she states in the confessional she will throw anyone under the bus. Mainly she tears down Amber in front of Andy. And Kate too tells Andy that some of the women are annoyed with him. This accusations come as a shock to him.

After some skiing, Andy chooses Tina for Special Quality Time. Stephanie (SC) is upset by this, because she figured she was a shoe in, since it was her birthday. Over lunch with Tina, Andy say he wants to know more about her. But Tina has her own questions for Andy. Specifically wants to know about the Lamborghini and the yacht. Rather sheepishly, Andy comes clean and says they aren’t his. He actually drives a Jeep.

Amber is very keyed up about her individual date. Andy takes her to a romantic cabin, but spoils the mood by giving her the fifth degree about what is going on between all the women. Amber says she just wants to have a good time and get know him. In the hot tub, she does get to know him: the two share many kisses and Andy bestows a rose upon her.

Back in Los Angeles at the mansion, Kate starts a rumor that Tina said she heard that Amber and Andy almost had sex. Amber hears this and runs to talk to Andy about it. “Think of the worst thing you could possibly think of” she says. Andy cannot comprehend the cattiness that is occurring.

At the rose ceremony, Andy cuts the three most gossipy girls: Nicole, Kate, and Stephanie (SC). Nicole can’t understand why she was cut. Stephanie (SC) is just in shock. She thought she had a lock on Andy. But she realizes that her “selling someone out” was not so nice.

Moving on:
Amber
Tessa
Danielle
Bevin
Tina
Stephanie (KS)

This week the group dates began. Two dates with seven girls each. If you ask me the girls on the second group date got the short straw. They had to compete in a mini-triathlon while the first group just had to ride a mechanical bull. Andy is really into the physical activity, no? Apparently, so was Stephanie (KS) and Amber: Steph was the only girl to stay on the bull and Amber easily won the mini-triathlon.

Other girls revealed some of their “deeper” sides: Alexis revealed she was a virgin, Tina said she was not very athletic and Tessa couldn’t deal with the competition. Oh and Erin & Susan played up their “Barbie doll” look. And attitude. And sitting next to Andy made him look even more like a “Ken doll.”

Stephanie (SC) got to go on an individual date since she got the First Impression Rose. All the girls were jealous, but Stephanie was certainly acting all above everyone. In her mind it seemed like she thought she had already won the competition. Later on the yacht she pretends to be Kate Winslet from “Titanic.” Andy makes for a very unenthusiastic Leonardo DiCaprio. But later when Stephanie gets down to a bikini, he is so impressed that he gives her a rose. And a kiss!

The next night before the rose ceremony, Andy gets even more intimate with Tessa: mutual footrubs! This does not sit well with everyone else, so of course it is cut short.

Before you know, it’s time for the rose ceremony. Many shots of Erin & Susan clutching each other nervously. Finally the last rose is given . . . to Erin! The Barbies are broken up. In the end only 12 go on and three go home.

The Wedding Bells must deal with all the antics that come with running a wedding planning business.

The episode opens where Chicago left off: Sara and Michael waltz into the cigar club, even though they are two of  the most wanted people in America. It’s surprising that Michael is willing to take such a big risk. Once inside,  they arent sure what to do. The concierge asks for Sara to come with him. Michael grabs Sara and they escape through  the kitchen. This sets off an alarm. Two cop cars give chase down a short alley, but Michael and Sara make it back  to the car with Lincoln and Kellerman. Michael shows a flyer he took from the club: it turns out the ex-warden Henry  Pope is a member of the cigar club, so they plot to get his help. They show up at Pope’s house, who is in no mood to  deal with felons. Pope says Michael betrayed him. He goes to call the police. Michael pulls a gun and says Pope  can’t do that. Pope still refuses to help, even after Michael puts the gun down. Michael says he can offer something  to Pope.

T-Bag drives the Hollander family to his boyhood home. He pulls out a worn looking dictionary. The ghosts of his  past show up to haunt him. A flashback to his youth follows. He recites synonyms for destroy for his father’s drunk  friends. Later in his bedroom, he says he feels like a freak. But his father insists he study the dictionary. It’s  his ticket to being president, his father says. His father rubs him in a not so paternal way. Back to the present  and T-Bag says he is really to put down roots. He obviously wants to try to make some good memories. But does he  think he can make it work through shear force?

Sucre meanwhile is on his way to the aeropuerto to meet Maricruz. But the Volkswagen runs out of gas 20 miles away.  Even on this lonely stretch road, he gets a ride. The driver is going to the airport, even! What luck! But it turns  out the driver is airport security. The guard says they got a tip that an American fugitive was flying in. The  fugitive isn’t flying in however, he’s already there!

C-Note goes to a hospital to try to get help for his daughter, who is only getting sicker. But without any insurance  or identification, they refuse him help, even calling him homeless! He is of course insulted and storms out. But as  he is leaving, Mahone shows up. A chase ensues and Mahone catches C-Note and his daughter on a train. But he lets  them go. Mahone was thinking of his own son who was in the hospital. Was this why he let them go?

Back in Mexico, Sucre arrives at the airport. He is eager to distance himself from the guard. Just as Sucre is  walking away, the airport security guard learns that Sucre is the man he is to be looking for. Esta aqui! Down on  the terminal, Maricruz arrives and is looking for Sucre. They have a short reunion, for security is right behind  them. They make it out of the airport and into a taxi. For now they are safe. Maricruz seems generally happy to see  Sucre and be on the run with him. This could be the end of Sucre’s story, as he and Maricruz could disappear into  the Mexican countryside. But knowing Prison Break, this won’t be the case.

Apparently whatever Michael offered to Pope has worked, because Pope has agreed to go into the cigar club. Sara and  Michael have a light and humorous exchange.
Sara: You sure about this?
Michael: Nope
Sara: Either way you still owe me dinner
Michael and Sara make a date. It shows that they believe they will make it out of this situation and they can lead a  normal life.

Pope makes it to Tencredi’s lockbox. Inside is a thumbdrive. He borrows someone’s computer to see what is on the  thumbdrive. Outside, everyone is getting nervous about how long it’s taking. Just then Pope walks out but Bill Kim  shows up and stops Pope before he can leave the cigar club. Bill tries to question him about what Pope found. Pope’s  having none of it and tries to walk away but Bill flashes a gun and tries to get Pope in the car. Michael is behind  the wheel of the stationwagon and it looks like he is going to make a getaway. Instead, Michael runs Bill down! Way  to take charge. Pope dives into the station wagon. Bill pulls out his gun, ready to to take a shot. But before he  can, Lincoln comes out of nowhere kicks him and beats him down. Kellerman takes out Bill’s partner. It seems they’re  all working as a team. But Sara locks Kellerman out of the car and they drive away. Sirens are fast approaching, so  Kellerman goes off on foot. It seems like a bad time to abandon Kellerman, but it is difficult to trust him. He did  try to kill all three of them on multiple occasions.

Back at the T-Bag homestead, T-Bag is trying to clean up the house. He wants to build a family, one that isn’t of  the Bagwell bloodline. He reveals he can’t procreate, but says this is a good thing because the Bagwell blood is bad  blood. So he wants to start over. But Susan says she can’t do it. There is no way to force them to be a family. This  isn’t what he want’s to hear, so he locks the Hollanders up in the shed. But later the police show up and free the  Hollanders. It seems T-Bag was the one who called the police (not before leaving the scene), realizing that it could  never work.

C-Note makes it to a free clinic and sees a less-than sympathetic doctor. He gives him the rest of the cash he has:  $400. The doctor agrees to look at her. The doctor says C-Note’s daughter has renal failure and attempts to put a  catheter in her neck. C-Note doesn’t trust him though, so he and daughter leave. They are hiding in an alley and she  is dying. Sirens wail in the distance. It’s a hopeless situation. Then, C-Note sees a payphone, a way out. He calls  Mahone. C-Note says he wants to turn himself in, provided his daughter get the help she needs and his wife goes  free. Mahone is in no mood to make deals however. C-Note says he has some information. Intrigued by this Mahone gets  the daughter to the hospital and the wife freed. Now it’s time for C-Note to hold up his bargain. C-Note whispers  “I’ll get you Scofield.” He is led away in cuffs.

Michael, Sara and Lincoln returns to Pope’s house. Michael then reveals that the offer he made to Pope was that  Michael agreed to turn himself in if Pope helped them. Sara and Lincoln are very against this. But Pope lets him go  because of what he heard on the thumbdrive. He thinks that Michael might have been right about Lincoln’s innocence.   Back at Sara’s, the trio gather around her computer to listen to the sound file. But before they (and we) get to  hear it, it’s the end of episode.

It was a very drama filled and fast-paced episode. There were a lot of allusions to the bad blood that the title of  the episode refrerred to: between Sara and Kellerman, Michael and Pope, T-Bag and Susan Hollander, and T-Bag’s own  lineage. Michael and Lincoln are edging closer to the truth, but it seems to come in very small increments.

The episode opens with Nate saying how sad he is that Jennylee had to go. But Megan is happy to see Cecille back. Nate tells Scooter that he is upset at what Cecille said in the elimination room (”You can take the blonde to the ranch, but you can’t take the bikini off the blonde.”) So Megan and Scooter confront Cecille about it and tell her it how it affected Nate. She of course feels no remorse and thinks Nate should have gotten to know her better instead of Jennylee. She does have a point though.

Mike the host calls the team down to the library to reveal the week’s challenge. Only this time there won’t be a challenge. Instead the each teammate will show the other a hobby they haven’t previously revealed. It all goes along with this week’s overarching theme of change. Finally the teams will get some downtime and some one on one time.

Megan takes Scooter to play some tennis. She’s a self-proclaimed tennis pro. What’s surprising is that she is a actually quite good. This comes as a shock only because she is so against any kind of physical activity. But Megan has really proved herself to be a good competitor.

Cecille meanwhile takes Nate to do some hip hop dancing. Nate has some rhythm and is able to pick up the moves pretty quickly. But of course Nate has that willingness to try anything and learn and grow.

Scooter’s favorite activity is hiking. From his the mountain man beard he came into the show with, this seems to fit him well. He and Megan hike up a hillside, and Scooter surprises her with a picnic he packed–but made her carry! Scooter, haven’t you learned anything about chivalry?

Nate flies in his Star Wars band from Harvard to perform for Cecille. This hard rock outfit writes songs based on scenes and characters from Star Wars. Even though their music is mostly noise rock, Cecille seems to genuinely enjoy it, even joining them on stage. We as viewers get to see another side of Nate.

The teams return to the mansion to reflect on their experiences. Megan says she’s just happy to have been on the show and to have learned something from the others. Megan really has come full circle in this competition. She says that she doesn’t even care about the money. Nate of course makes a Star Wars reference, comparing it to Luke going after the Death Star. Cecille just wants to win. That is all that is on her mind.

The teams are called to the elimination room. Mike says that the teams will be judged on how much they’ve changed during the competition. And the only way to determine that is to have the former housemates vote for them. The former teams are then shown in the library, to the happiness of the finalists. All but Cecille. Since she has been so cruel to other contestants, she knows that they will judge her harshly. The finalists will have 24 hours to sway the “judges.”

The finalists then reunite with the former teams. Nate and Jennylee of course make a beeline right for one another. As the finalists glad hand everyone, Nate and Mario step back to have a private conversation. Mario comments that everyone likes Nate, it’s just unfortunate that he has Cecille as a teammate. Mario is absolutely right, because Nate is very personable, whereas Scooter is a little more shy. At the end of the night, Cecille is ranting to Nate, saying that she doesn’t want to kiss a–. Nate just tells her she should be humble. She tells Nate that anyone who thinks they’ve changed from the show is ridiculous. Nate feels really hurt because he has been so changed so much.

The next day Nate tells EVERYONE not to vote for he and Cecille because if they win, Cecille won’t learn anything. It’s quite shocking at first to see him making this kind of sacrifice, but this really is his character. He might win just for being honest.

The final two teams head to elimination. Each of the former housemates will get one vote, so the final teams need seven votes to win. Jennylee is first to vote and of course chooses Nate (oh and Cecille.) The rest of the former housemates vote as they were eliminated.
Neils: Megan & Scooter
Nadia: Megan & Scooter
Mario: Megan & Scooter
Erin: Megan & Scooter
Drew: Megan & Scooter
Andrea: Megan & Scooter
Matt: Cecille & Nate
Sharee: Megan & Scooter
And with Sharee’s vote, Megan and Scooter have the seven votes needed and they are crowned Beauty Queen and Geek King. It’s a little anti-climatic. There are no balloons, no confetti, no fanfare.

Cecille is of course bitter, saying that any girl who learned something from a geek is stupid. Megan and Scooter were certainly the right choice. Scooter may have been a little boring, but he was always consistent and nice to everyone. Megan may have been a bit of an airhead but she was always willing to go the extra mile to help her team and everyone else on the show.

It was a great season and it should definitely get renewed!

The episode opens with the Shake Up: an earthquake is shown causing a lot of damage. Wow, right into the drama! Um, no. The scene dissolves and the heading “72 Hours Earlier” is shown.

Summer and Taylor are at the mall, discussing the “surprise” party for that Summer and Ryan are planning for Taylor. Summer presses Taylor, asking her what she wants for her birthday. All Taylor wants is for Ryan to ask her to go to Berkeley with him. We know that Ryan is not going to do this. And Summer knows as well. “You applied to Berkeley?” Summer is thinking what we are: Taylor applied to follow Ryan. But turns out Taylor got in before she and Ryan starting dating. Oh and she also got into Princeton. It’s dubious as to when Taylor applied, but we’ll believe her for now.

Summer and Taylor see the day’s newspaper on a table and comment on the headline (Mayor Warns of Earthquake Weather). Taylor: “Makes you almost wish one would happen.” Be careful what you wish for Taylor!

Cut to the Cohen’s pool house. Ryan wakes up and Taylor is already there, breakfast prepared. Taylor is excited to see Ryan, but he doesn’t seem to share her sentiment. Could he be tiring of her constant appearance at his home? This is exaggerated by the fact that he takes about two bites of the breakfast Taylor worked so hard to prepare. Before he takes off, he tells Taylor he wants to his way with her as payment for planning her birthday. Again, Ryan is lacking just a bit in the romantic department. But he might make up for it at her birthday party.

Katelyn awakens to find Julie and Frank canoodling in Dr. Roberts’ kitchen. Julie is on a love buzz, but Katelyn is still sore from losing the Bullit as a step-father. She is downright nasty with Frank. He leaves for a job interview, leaving behind what Katelyn refers to as his convict bag. She eyes it with suspicion. What could she be planning?

Kirsten meanwhile has headed to the gym to sign up for pre-natal yoga. There she finds herself surrounded by 20 somethings who are more concerned with staying skinny during pregnancy. Some go so far as to say they would induce labor at eight months. Kirsten is shocked and not surprised at the same time. She knows this is how Newport is, but she is wondering how she can bring a new child into this kind of environment.

Ryan is now at work and Summer comes to visit him. She questions him on his big gift. Ryan has done pretty well, it would seem: he has had some poems Taylor translated from French professionally bound. Summer is unimpressed however. She thinks a better gift would be for Ryan to say “I love you.” This is not Ryan’s style though. So how will he resolve this?

Katelyn meets with Frank at the mall. Frank wants to know why she dislikes him so much. She says it’s because he is boring. “The Bullit was awesome!” She continues to insult him, but Frank remains calm. Julie meanwhile is back at the house. She looks in Frank’s bag and discovers . . . clown porn.

Summer has taken Seth to an art film exhibition put on by GEORGE (Global Environmental Organization Regarding Greenhouse Emissions). While Summer is totally into her latest fad, Seth is unimpressed by the films from a directorial standpoint. Summer challenges him to create something better.

We find Taylor and Ryan watching the old classic “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” Taylor tries to use the movie as a metaphor, hinting that one should express how one feels when the moment is at hand. Ryan clues into this and turns to Taylor. “Taylor, I . . . ” the music swells, this could be it! “. . . missed that last part, could you rewind it?” Taylor is totally miffed, but we are lead to believe that Ryan may have a trick up his sleeve yet.

After the break, we find Summer and Taylor discussing Ryan’s lack of enthusiasm. Taylor it seems has given up on him, again. She is going to decline the scholarship she won at Berkeley. Summer suggests Taylor use truth serum to find out what Ryan really thinks. Taylor does her one better and decides getting him drunk is an easier route.

Back at the Cohen house, Ryan has just returned from a run. Sandy is in the kitchen, ready to hand down some sage wisdom. “Rather than tell Taylor you love her, tell her you enjoy spending time with her and that you care for her.” Yeah, that’s not exactly what she wants to hear.

Seth is just outside at the pool, filming his environmental art film. He’s calling it Six Hours in a Pool. He’s obviously not taking Summer seriously. Later, he debuts the film to Summer, who tires after two minutes of watching pool toys floating in the water. Seth claims it is a satire, but Summer says he has to make a new film. Seth says, “What am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around until he punches someone?” This is a nice little dig at the show.

Sandy and Kirsten go to meet Sandy’s friend Jason Spitz and is wife Kerrie for dinner. Kerrie acts like a young Newport girl, talking about partying, belittling Sandy and Jason’s work, and referring to her own child as a thing. Kirsten is disheartened by the fact that she can’t find one decent woman in Newport.

Ryan meets Taylor at Roberts’s house for dinner for two. Taylor is very liberal with the wine, trying to get Ryan loosened up. Instead Taylor is the one who ends up drunk. Ryan shows a lot of care for her as he puts her into bed. He looks at her, realizes he really does love her and says those three magic words “I love you.” Neither he nor Taylor can believe he was able to muster the strength to utter that. Taylor is well pleased and slurs “Now we can go to Berkeley together” and then passes out. Ryan is taken aback by this latest development and finds her acceptance letter on her desk. He loves her, but does he really want her around for four years? We the viewers have to question his level of commitment.

The next day, we find Seth has decided to make a film about Ryan. As he films his subject he asks Ryan, “How does it feel to get the Dean of Discipline’s sloppy seconds?” Another great dig at the show!

Taylor tells Summer that Ryan said “I love you.” Or so she thinks. She can’t remember due to her drunken state.

Frank shows up at the Cohen help, asking for Ryan’s help with Katelyn. Frank says, “You have a experience with Cooper women.” Kind of a low blow there, Frank.

Later that night, the gang is all assembled for Taylor’s birthday party. As Taylor opens her presents, she comes to Ryan’s. We all know it’s an incredibly romantic . . . dictionary? Ryan has substituted the dictionary for the poetry book. But why? Is he having second thoughts about their relationship? The two go off for a private moment. Taylor asks Ryan about what he said. She asks if he would have said it if he would have said he loved her had he known she got into Berkeley. Ryan makes the mistake of hesitating. Taylor walks away, crushed, only to be confronted by her birthday cake. As her friends urge her to make a wish, she looks into the candles. We know the wish that is on her mind. But she thinks better of making it and runs out of the party before blowing out the candle. Ryan is left looking like a jerk.

During all this, Katelyn has been putting up posters of Frank’s mugshot with the caption “This Guy Loves Clown Porn!” Julie catches her in the act and wants to know why she is doing such mean things. Katelyn tearfully replies that she only wants to be a family. Suddenly all her bad behavior since she was first introduced as a character makes sense. She desperately wanted her mother’s attention. Julie decides to take it slower with Frank and focus more on her relationship with Katelyn.

We find Taylor back in her room, doing her usual birthday ritual of watching 16 Candles and talking to a psychic on the phone. Ryan shows up and sheepishly gives her his real present. Taylor is blow away by the romantic aspects of his gift. Ryan says he does love her and he doesn’t want to lose her.

But before the couple can reaffirm their love, the room begins to shake. No it’s not their passion; It’s an earthquake. All across Newport, everyone tries to protect their loved ones from falling debris. Ryan throws himself protectively over Taylor, shielding her from a glass armoire that falls on him. Seth and Summer escape from their vehicle just before a light pole crushes it. Kirsten is laying on the ground, dazed as Sandy can only helplessly try to make sense of what is happening. All over the OC, the world is being thrown into chaos, just when everyone was at a good spot.