Back from our three week summer vacation and just in time for Victoria Beckham’s new show! We also
discover our love for Big Brother and further reaffirm our loathe for America’s Got Talent.
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America’s Got Talent blows into the Windy City of Chicago, hoping to breathe some life back into the show. And Chicago surprises us by showcasing some decently talanted people. Worry not though: there were still plenty of horrible contestants.
The show open with the young shirtless quartet of martial artists in the group “Sideswipe.” You may remember them from last year. One member broke his ankle last year and the group could not go on. Unfortunately it healed and Sideswipe is back and ready to take your daughter’s virginity! The girls in the audience certainly seemed to be smitten with the group, and even Hasselhoff was staring with wonder. Obviously they moved on to Las Vegas.
Following that group was a ventriliquist act. While he did a fine job of singing as the puppet, I just have to request that we put a moritorium on ventriliquists. And while we are at it, let’s add child singers to that list. They were not in short supply and thankfully the judges rejected every one of them. Piers was decidedly restrained, maybe hoping to avoid another judge walk off. But it wasn’t Sharon who walked off this time; It was Hasselhoff.
Hasselhoff, like myself, was disgusted by Sharon’s and Piers’ choice to send Boy Shakira on to Las Vegas. First of he looks nothing like Shakira. Second he wasn’t even dancing to her music. And third there was a talented male belly dancer on episode two that was not allowed through. I’m sorry but allowing Boy Shakira to go on made the show even more of a mockery.
Thankfully the show ended on a good–and talented–note. The stilted 2nd Story Guys can be forgiven for their horrible customing due to the fact that they did things I didn’t even know were possible on stilts. The acrobatic Clypso Boys looked like a Jamaican Cirque and performed just as well. And Kevin James the magician made the ultimate use of misdirection when he performed an incredible illusion.
Let’s just hope AGT can keep up the momentum when they roll in to New York for the final auditions.
Definitely the standout among the reality shows this summer (and let’s face it, that doesn’t take much), Hell’s Kitchen was back with another installment of whiny wannabe chefs. After their disasterous first night at the restaurant, Gordon Ramsey wakes them up to take them fishing. Oh did I forget to mention by fishing, Ramsey meant catch fish with your bare hands while still in your pajamas? Of course Ramsey went for the easy joke comparing the size of a tuna to the size of Eddie. C’mon Ramsey, I expect high-brow English wit!
No sooner did the chefs “catch” their fish than did they have to prep them. Oh did I forget to mention that by prep, Ramsey meant peel the skin off and squeeze out the fish eggs? The red girls had to go up against the blue boys sans Aaron. Did I forget to mention that Aaron had another breakdown after catching fish and was sent back to bed by Ramsey? For being the oldest member, he sure does act like a baby. In the end it was the red girls team that was able to skin more fin. Their reward? Deep sea fishing. After the morning they had, I’m sure the last thing they wanted to see was more fish.
The girls continued to lead after the restaurant opened. Aaron continued to screw up, leaving bones in the fish fillets and add his own “special” ingredient: the sweat off his nose! He continued to act like a child when introducing himself to customers: “Hi I’m Aaron. Well of course I am! It’s on my shirt!” But Aaron wasn’t the only chef screwing up: Eddie couldn’t cook spaghetti, Josh couldn’t cook steak, and Benny just plain couldn’t cook. Not surprisingly, Ramsey shut down the boys’ kitchen and declared the girls the winner.
Surprisingly, Benny and Aaron avoided the chopping block. Instead Josh and Eddie went head-to-head (maybe spatula-to-spatula). Now Eddie I can understand: the kid’s got heart but he doesn’t have talent. Josh however does have some chops. Maybe a strategic move by Rock, putting Josh into the bottom two? All I have to say is watch out in the kitchen Rock. You never know when a stray fish might hit you in the back of the head.
I am honestly surprised I am still watching this show. But for some reason I was drawn back to the inanity of searching for celebrity look-alikes and sound-alikes. Something seemed to happen to me though, after I watched one bad impression after another. I began to question the purpose of this show. And we all know rule number one of reality tv viewing is never try to find a deeper meaning.
My question about the show after watching two episodes is “What is the point?” Certainly there are some decent celebrity impersonators, and yes the really bad ones are funny. Even the judges are funny to an extent. But once these tryouts are over, I feel like the show is going to crash and burn. Honestly, how long are we going to be able to watch an impersonator during the vote offs? Week after week, the same people will be up there on stage, vying for our votes. At what point will that become tiresome? And what happens when someone wins? They get a $100,000 prize (small by reality standards) and then what? I just can’t figure out why this show exists.
All this to say this show has been downgraded and makes me wish I had watched “So You Think You Can Dance” instead.
The remaining 15 bachelorettes moved into their new home: a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. But they couldn’t get too settled in because three would be going home after the group dates.
This week, there were two group dates with seven women each. There was one individual date and it was revealed that Stephanie (SC) would be going on this date. She received this honor because she was given the First Impression Rose last week. The rest of the women are immediately jealous. However the catch is that she must receive a rose on the individual date or she will go home.
Andy took the first seven women on a tour bus through downtown Los Angeles. They end up at a bar with a mechanical bull. The women attempt to stay on, but Stephanie (KS) was the only one that was able to ride it out. Andy was very impressed.
Afterwards, the octet returned to a hotel where the women changed into gowns. But the gowns didn’t stay on long, as everyone stripped down to skimpy bikinis to enjoy the hot tub. Tiffany got some one-on-one with Andy in the Special Quality Time, but she was kind of a wet blanket. Andy struggled to make conversation with her.
The second group date involved Andy coaching the women through a mini-triathlon. But first they were treated to breakfast and mimosas. Tina was called a hussy for asking Andy for some one-on-one time.
After breakfast, Andy told the girls the elements of the triathlon: Four laps in the pool, two miles on the spinners, and five laps running around the pool. Erin and Susan were not into the swim and “walked” the laps so as not to get their hair wet. In the end, Amber was able to pull out the win and got the Special Quality Time. Andy took her down to the beach for more exercise, but the two shared an intimate moment watching the sunset on the ocean.
Back at the mansion, Stephanie (SC) prepared for her big date with Andy. She showed off two very revealing dresses to the women, who were of course put off by her.
Stephanie met Andy at his yacht. After re-enacting the “I’m-flying” scene from Titanic, the two got into the yacht’s hot tub. Andy obviously liked what he saw, because he gave her a rose. And she gets the first kiss! When she returned to the house, she was coy and didn’t tell the other women about the kiss.
The next day, Andy visited the mansion for a party with all the women. The liquor was flowing and the party was going well for Andy, but the women were very concerned with who would get cut.
Tessa took Andy upstairs to show him where the women’s sleeping quarters. They hid out in a room and gave each other a foot massage. Just when things were going well, they were interrupted by the other women and shots of liquor. Later Tessa broke down, due to the extreme competition.
But at the rose ceremony, Tessa received the first rose. Erin received the last rose and was asked by Andy (playfully) if she went to college.
Also received a rose:
Danielle
Bevin
Amber
Stephanie (KS)
Kate
Nicole
Tina
Peyton
Amanda
Stephanie (SC)
The competition is really starting to heat up, now that it’s down to 12.
As promised here is the link to Chris’ infamous comment:
Hi Dave!
Our very first webisode is now available for download. It has not been added to the regular iTunes lineup as of yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t listen to it now! Go to Podcast Index to download Webisode 001. Once you’ve listened to it, we’d appreciate your comments–good, bad, corrections, whatever! Just let us know what you love and what you hate and how you think we can make it better.
–Thanks, Jill & Michael
