Bunny Ears TV

Didn’t get enough of The Bachelor this spring? Well, Age of Love is here to fill the void! Mark Philippoussis, an Aussie tennis star has to choose from a group of 20 year-olds and 40 year-olds. Hmm, what would a 30 year-old bachelor choose?

First we get to meet all the women. All the 40 year-old women, I should say. Except wait, one is only 39! The oldest by far is 48 and even boasts about her 25 year-old son. Maybe Mark can be his big brother AND his dad! The women are shown a teaser video and maybe it’s the hot flashes, but they all get turned on and jokingly tease one another about it. Their biological clocks were audibly ticking. One thing I must admit is that these 40+ year-olds are the best looking women I’ve seen.

But poor Mark isn’t aware that he is meeting these women. When asked a leading question by the producers, he states he expects to meet women in their 20s. In case you missed it, NBC replayed it three times, just for dramatic effect.

Probably the most exploitive moments come when Mark is first introduced to these MILFs.  The women of course had to reveal their ages to Mark so we could watch his jaw drop and see him become more and more uncomfortable. During the social hour, Mark assessed the level of baggage each woman brought to the show, questioning their previous marital status and number of children that had spawned.

The following day Mark took Maria, Lynn and Jayanna for a great get-to-know-you date: rappelling down a building. I say that with sarcasm because honestly how long does it take to rappel down a building? Really what he was testing was the women’s openness to going outside their comfort zone. All the women get into it and are returned to their hotel suite in one piece.

All too soon it’s time for elimination. (I miss the 90 minutes of ABC’s The Bachelor!) In an “interesting” twist, only four of the seven women are called to the elimination: Maria, Lynn, Jayanna and Jodie. There are no roses to give out (what about tennis balls?), but Mark retains Maria, Lynn and Jayanna and says goodbye to Jodie. After that emotionally trying time, ever-present (and ever-short) host Mark Consuelos reveals the latest twist to Mark P.: the 20 year-olds, the forbidden fruit one might say.

Will Mark choose coquettes or the cougars?  We’ll find out this season on Age of Love!

“Say goodbye to another two hours of your life, because America’s Got Talent is all new and all terrible!” I seriously believe that is how the promos for this show should go. At least then NBC could say they were being honest about the show’s content.

AGT continued it’s trend of showcasing bad talent–and then sending them on to the next round so we’ll have to suffer again. I’m speaking of course about acts like Johnny Lonestar, the lassoing cowboy. Maybe there is a reason no one lassos anymore sir. And the plate spinner? What is this vaudeville? Let’s not forget Lil C, the wannabe (and now gonnabe) rapper/dancer. I think Piers was still feeling guilty from his outburst at the children who tried out last week and that’s why he sent Lil C through. And finally there was Pearl, a cranky grandmother type played by a young man in drag. The comedy act s/he performed was mildly amusing but rather reductive.

Speaking of drag, the queens were out in full force at the LA auditions. I suppose we should expect nothing less from California though. Jerry was getting a little sentimental after seeing one drag queen after another get rejected. “These are my people,” he remarked, almost tearfully. Not to worry Jerry, the audience has got your back. Several times, the people broke out into the famous “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” chant. And Jerry himself even got into the act. After a male belly dancer performed, Jerry appeared on stage sans shirt, posing and flexing for an adoring and approving crowd who moments earlier were repulsed and revilded by the handsome male dancer. Even Piers and Hasselhoff seemed to enjoy Jerry’s antics. Those two made sure to X the dancer during his performance to protect their straight male credibility.

As you can see the show has quickly become a sideshow act. The one saving grace of the night came in the form of the rock-a-billy band Johnny Come Lately. While not my favorite genre of music, these precocious 15 year-olds gave an uptempo, energetic performance of Elvis Presley’s “You Ain’t Nothing but a Hound Dog.” After the finished, I have expected the judges to deny them advancement. But I think they too were relieved that someone decent had chosen to grace their stage. Hey, they could’ve easily tried out for Simon Cowell’s other-other show “The Search for the Next Great American Band.”

Thank god they brought their talents to this show that has so far been seriously devoid of talent.

Well, Simon Cowell’s America Lacks Talent, er, America’s Got Talent is back for another season. Hey it was the number one show of summer 06, so why not? This season kicked off with an overly long two-hour premiere.

Things have changed a bit this year with Jerry Springer replacing Regis Philbin as host and Sharon Osborne taking Brandy’s empty judging chair. Jerry Springer seems like the logical choice to host this show, since he is used to dealing with oddballs on his daytime talk show. And the oddballs were not in short supply, from the Human Slinky to the Letterman Brothers (you’ll remember them as the men jiggling their pecs in time to Dueling Banjos) to the family of violin players. And the precocious little girls were out in force, no doubt prodded on by stage mothers and last year’s win of Bianca Ryan. Piers played the role of mean English judge by being honest–brutally so. When a nine year-old girl attempted a cheerleading routine, Piers laid in to her and her mother. Sharon was so upset she actually left the judging table, saying “I’m taking off my makeup and going home!” Only after much pleading (and surely her contract) could she brought back on stage.

The addition of Sharon Osborne as judge is a little more dubious since I’m not sure what her talent is. Then again, they let Hasselhoff back. I kid, I kid! Honestly though, the talent certainly seems to be lacking, as no one made that great of an impression. The dancing group the Jabbawokkes looked liked they’d just been kicked off of So You Think You Can Dance (another Cowell show) and the Elvis impersonator appeared to be on the wrong stage (”Sir, Next Best Thing is the door over”). The talent the judges did send on to the next round almost seemed to be an obligatory way to fill the slots for the vote-off shows. Could it be that America really does lack talent?

Things could turn around next week in Los Angeles, which will certainly draw out the freaks and rejects from other reality shows.

In the chapel of The Wedding Palace, a bridal party is waiting. The bride, Dede, is still in the dressing room where Annie, one of the Bell sisters, is trying to convince her to come out. David the photographer also tries to coax the bride to take the walk down the aisle. Just when we think she is going to take a graceful walk towards bliss, she runs out of the building. As the everyone chases the bride, we get a slow motion intro of all the Wedding Bells: Annie, Jane, Sammy, David, and Russell.

As the episode proper begins, the Bells are running through a dress rehersal. Amanda, the bride-to-be, has shown up. She looks like a handful, with a dog on her arm, a fur around her neck, and enough diamonds to feed the people of a third world country for a month.

Annie and David have a run in. There is obviously some tension between the two.

Jane checks up on Ernesto, the chef. He is a fast talking Greek who tries to seduce Jane with his cooking. He calls his dish “my little whore.” Russell shows up just as Jane is taking a bite. Jane tells him to take some time off to go play some squash. After he leaves, Sammy runs into Jane. Sammy is post-coital after sleeping with an usher from Amanda’s wedding.

After returning from squash, Russell reveals to David that he thinks Jane is attracted to Ernesto. David advises Russell to romance Jane.

Outside of his office, Sammy runs into the mother of the bride, who offers $500 to get the minister to say Jesus twice.

Jane reveals that the Bells took over the business after their parents divorced. Jane thinks that Annie is so into the business because of her break up with David. Jane questions Annie further on her feelings for David, but Annie resists.

Amanda, the bride, is watching the band perform, but doesn’t like their sound. She tells Ralph, the lead singer, he is only a wedding singer. This causes Ralph to snap, and he tells her off. Amanda then informs the Bells that she expects a full refund or she’ll sic her attorneys on them, of which she has dozens. Jane takes Ralph to a bar to tell Ralph he needs to apologize.

Later that night, Annie shows up at David’s. When she comes inside, she meets David’s current photography subject, a young nude woman. The young woman tells her that Annie is such an inspiration to her. Annie leaves, embarassed by the awkwardness.

Back at The Wedding Palace, Amanda is in the chapel, meditating. Jane approaches Amanda to see if she can change her mind. Amanda asks Jane if marriage is a good thing. Jane begins to reassure Amanda, but starts thinking about her own lackluster marriage and ends up making Amanda feel worse.

The next day, Annie and David try to get Amanda to apologize to Ralph. He is able to convince her to at least talk to Ralph. After Amanda leaves for the ballroom, David attempts to apologize to Annie for the previous night, but she cuts him off. He asks if she ever thinks of getting back together. She abruptly replies that she doesn’t. David is hurt.

In the ballroom, Ralph makes his apologies to Amanda, using the band to score it. Amanda see through this, so Ralph resorts to Jane’s advice, which is to tell Amanda that she is hot. This works, so it looks as though the wedding is back on.

Sammy is with the usher, in a supply room. They talk about starting a relationship, but then sees that he is wearing a wedding ring. “Is that a problem?” he asks. It is and she is hurt. She finds no solace from her sister Jane though, who chides her for her behavior.

Russell shows up and asks Jane point blank if she has feelings for Ernesto. When she admits she does, he berates Jane for it. There is a certain sexual tension there, which she acknowledges by saying, “Russell that was almost sexy.”

It’s now the day of the wedding. The mother of the bride, Sheila, is instructing the Bells on last minute details. A montage follows in which the Palace and the bridal party are transformed for this special day.

But there is a problem: Amanda refuses to go out, because she feels unsexy. David works his magic by doing some risque photography. This works, as she is able to walk down the aisle and marry Ivan Cohen with no problem. The minister is even able to throw a couple of Jesuses in for good effect.

In the ballroom, the bride and groom are introduced for the first time. Jane and Russell reconcile and make a date for some romance. But Jane sees Ernesto across the room. They exchange a glance, but Jane turns to Russell. Annie meanwhile is looking at David across the room, who is surrounded by attractive women. Later, she talks to him and says it’s probably best that they broke up. She says this through tears, so she obviously doesn’t mean it. Both reveal they still have a feelings for each other. Just as the are sharing this moment, Amanda catches on fire, from the flaming cherry jubilee that Ernesto has wheeled out. There is never a dull moment at The Wedding Palace.

Episode end.